'Grim Reaper' shows harsh reality of drinking, driving
"My job many times is … to bring news to your parents that you have been killed in a motor vehicle accident. … They will never forget that message." - Dan Schafer Police Chaplain

PHOTOS BY DAVE BENJAMIN Matt Miranda was one of the JMHS students who shared the story of his "death" with fellow students during a recent program on drinking and driving.

BY DAVE BENJAMIN

Staff Writer

Death is but a moment beyond life, and the combination of drinking and driving can bring that moment beyond much closer.

That was just one of the messages brought to students at Jackson Memorial High School during a recent week-long program on drinking and driving.

"We wanted to make this week a drinking and driving awareness week," said Jackson Police Officer Colin Menafra, the school resource officer at JMHS.

Menafra, School Resource Officer Burt Salisbury, Principal Anthony Gaita and teacher Michele Moore were instrumental in initiating and presenting a program that sought to raise the awareness level of students who recently began driving or who will soon be behind the wheel of an automobile.

Speaking before a full auditorium, Gaita said, "Last Monday we started a program dealing with driving and alcohol. We wanted to bring everyone here today as a culminating activity for the events that took place this week. For our seniors ... who are getting your driver's license, this is an exciting time in your life, but it is also a scary time."

Police Chaplain Dan Schafer tells students at Jackson Memorial High School how difficult it is to go to a young person's home and inform their parents that a son or daughter has been killed in a motor vehicle accident.

Gaita said he has spoken with parents who expressed their concern about seeing their sons and daughters get behind the wheel of a car.

"Accidents can happen and already have happened," the principal said. "We have seen people here who have had minor accidents or even more serious accidents You certainly don't want to put yourself in that position by using alcohol. We want you here for many years to come."

Assistant Principal Lynn Coddington said accidents happen for many reasons, including distractions such as playing with the radio or talking on a cell phone.

A group of students learned what the world would be like without them when they participated in a program that focused on the dangers of mixing alcohol and motor vehicles.

"These are all things we know we shouldn't do," Coddington said. "Having that cup of coffee is a distraction and we know that can cause accidents. But a more serious [situation] is when someone chooses to drink [alcohol] or take drugs and then get behind the wheel of a car. That's when tragedy can strike, and it can be completely avoided."

Menafra said that during week 20 students were selected by the "Grim Reaper" in an effort to show others what it would be like to lose them in accidents. The students who were "removed" were asked not to speak or interact with their classmates or families in order to illustrate what their loss would be like.

Dominick LaRuffa, 17, dressed up as death and had the responsibility of removing students from their classrooms.

The students who were taken were given a black T-shirt to wear for the rest of the week, which identified them as victims of drunk driving. The goal of the Grim Reaper was to impress upon all of the students that another victim is taken every 30 minutes, just as there is a victim of a drunk driver somewhere every 30 minutes in the real world.

Menafra said the students who were selected were asked to write down their thoughts and feelings about being taken from their friends and loved ones.

The students in the auditorium listened to what those young victims had to say.

"One weekend my friends and I decided to go to a wild party," said Rick, 18. "By the time I got there 50 percent of the kids were already under the influence. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I was wasted."

When the party got boring Rick decided to leave.

"I got into my car and drove away while [I was] under the influence," he said. "My vision was getting blurred. Before I knew it I was being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. I got to the hospital, but it was no use. At 1:30 a.m. I was pronounced dead."

Rick said he would never see his friends, family or girlfriend again. He will miss out on going to college, being married, giving his mother the grandchildren she always wanted, or earning his high school diploma or college degree.

Rick said he will never have the experience of being an adult and living life on his own and making the right decisions or learning from his mistakes. He asked his peers not to drink and drive.

One female student read her thoughts.

"I destroyed my mother. She had no one but me. There was no way to tell her I was sorry. She didn't raise me to screw up. I just screwed up. It wasn't her fault. I had a choice. Like father, like daughter," she said.

"I'm Matt Miranda," said a 17-year-old student. "I was sitting in my brother's room playing Monopoly and my phone rang. It was my friend Rob, who was at a party and he had been drinking and couldn't stay over and couldn't go home."

Matt offered to pick up Rob at the party.

"I don't want you to drive," Matt told Rob.

"Don't worry about it," his friend responded. "I'll be at your house in a little bit."

Matt said he went outside to wave down Rob. He did not want his friend to drive any more than necessary.

"I go outside," Matt said. "I see him turn down the street. I wave him down, [but] he didn't see me. He hits me. I die. I never told [my mom] that I loved her. I'll never read the poem I wrote to my girlfriend for our anniversary. The only way she'll hear it will be at my funeral."

Matt said he told his brother he would finish the game of Monopoly with him tomorrow.

"He said, 'You promise', and I said, 'I promise,' " Matt said. "I broke my promise because someone who had been drinking and driving made that decision and took me out."

"Some people thought this was a joke, but it really happens," said Matt. "This is just an exercise of what it could be like, and it all could be avoided if you just decide not to drink."

Students viewed a video produced by classmate Brittany Bickerton, 17, giving drunk driving statistics, while Kim Bickerton, 17, read a poem that was written by the sister of Kimberly Smith Ames, who was killed by the driver of a car in Beachwood on Oct. 7, 1998.

Kimberly, 23, and her unborn child were killed in the accident. The driver was sentenced to 13 years in jail.

"There are no volunteers to do the job that I do," said Police Chaplain Dan Schafer, who has the difficult task of notifying people when their loved ones are killed by a drunk driver. "My job many times is knocking on your door to bring news to your parents that you have been killed in a motor vehicle accident and [tell them] it's possible that alcohol has been involved. They will never forget that message."

Schafer said he has been a police chaplain since 1979.

"That's 28 years of doing this. I've been in Ocean County for 18 years and I do this for several agencies, Jackson, Brick, Stafford. Over 50 times since I've been here have I made these notifications. Many times it is 1, 2 or 3 a.m. Immediately the parents know it's not good news."

He said there is no way to soften the message that someone's son or daughter has been killed. He said sometimes the parents are overwhelmed with emotions and sometimes there is just dead silence.