Are We There Yet?
So, what would Dave Ramsey say to this?
LORI CLINCH
If there's one thing a woman can't stand to hear this time of year, it's some guy on a radio talk show rambling on about overspending.

It's like hanging with Jane Fonda after a bout at a buffet.

Still, the year is drawing to an end, the financial reports are coming in, and as is tradition this time of year, yours truly is faced with being put on a budget.

As I roll in off the holidays, I'm not ready to produce an explanation for every expenditure from ketchup to name-brand bread. I don't need to hear that my nail polish cost too much or that we can no longer afford to keep me in generic moisturizers. So, as the credit card bills prepare to roll in, I start stashing my purchases and looking for a way to hide what I've spent.

The conversation started, as if on cue, the other night when I asked my beloved spouse, Pat, to sign the back of a new credit card.

"Dave Ramsey says that credit cards are the ruination of the nation," Pat said as he gave me the evil eye.And from there he held one finger in the air and began to lecture me on Dave's views of financial responsibilities, monetary obligations and the rewards and benefits of a thrifty lifestyle.

I slumped in my chair like a pouting 2- year-old child. I pulled a piece of lint off my shirt, checked a fingernail for signs of distress and pretended to mull his words over. I also pretended to pay attention to what he was saying, but quite frankly, the man lost me at "Dave Ramsey says."

"Dave Ramsey isn't talking to you and me," I responded like the little brat that I can be. "He's talking to all of the other fine folks who don't pay their balances off every month."

"Dave Ramsey says the credit card companies will get ya."

"Well, apparently Dave Ramsey isn't earning 5 percent on his cash-back bonus awards."

"It doesn't matter. Dave says he can tell the credit card companies are lying just because their mouth is moving."

It's a conversation we've had many a time. I sit defending myself while Pat quotes good old Dave Ramsey as if the man wrote the Bible.

Then Pat said it. I knew he would. Since the annual clock was showing one minute after Christmas and the bell of the new year was about to ring, his statement was right on time. "I think we're spending too much money."

"On what?" I asked as I looked around. I must admit that my answer was nothing if not well rehearsed. "Where are our fur coats, pearl necklaces, oversized yachts and Starbucks coffee?"

"What about the new throw rugs you bought for the kitchen?"

"I can stop decorating if you want," I answered as if on cue. "I don't have to care about the house. In fact, I can stop cleaning it altogether if you'd like. Why, we'd save a fortune on the sanitation products alone."

As he sat and looked at me for a moment, I'm quite certain he must have been asking himself, "What would Dave Ramsey say?"

"What else have you got?" I asked as I stubbornly crossed my arms.

"Well, what about all of your clothes, makeup and jewelry?"

It was a low blow, but I was ready for it. Although I desperately wished I had chosen something besides flannel pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt for the debate, I said with a straight spine and a stiff upper lip, "I can sell all of my clothes, rid myself of stylish shoes and downsize my wardrobe to two house dresses and one pair of penny loafers, if you'd like. I'll even sport white ankle socks, and get myself a hankie for my hair. How does that sound?"

"What about food products? Do the kids really need all of those chips and Pop Tarts? Dave Ramsey says we all need to go back to beans and rice."

"Oh now," I said with a touch of sarcasm, "that's the way to go. How's about if you run downstairs and tell the children that we'll be dining on puffed wheat and oat germ for this evening's meal? Why, I'll bet we could really save some serious cash if we substituted meat with a fine serving of legumes."

And so the conversation ended, as it does every year, with him mentally vowing to listen better to Dave Ramsey and me running around and stashing sacks.

I wonder what Dave Ramsey would say about me hiding a large bag of Starbucks coffee.

Lori Clinch is the mother of four sons and the author of the book "Are We There Yet?" You can reach her at www.loriclinch. com.