Runway madness
Around Town • AMY ROSEN
Iam sitting in an airplane on a runway at Hollywood International Airport in Florida as I write this column. It is Christmas break and I'd rather be outside in the sun before returning to frigid New Jersey.

After waiting 90 minutes to board our delayed flight, we were cleared for takeoff. Despite the pleading of flight attendants who warned that we could be delayed hours if everyone didn't sit down immediately, an overly dramatic woman took her time parking her butt and now we're parked on the runway because Newark's air traffic controllers just pulled our landing slot. If we're lucky, we'll take off at 3 p.m.

They shut the engines to save gas. The bathrooms work, but the TVs don't, so I'm writing a column to maintain my sanity.

We are returning from a long-awaited family cruise to the Bahamas to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. Even though we love boating, I've been afraid to go on a cruise ship since seeing "The Poseidon Adventure" (I still have visions of Shelley Winters swimming past a submerged chandelier) and from a host of other fears such as seasickness, terrorists, mysterious illnesses, missing passengers, and being in total darkness with no land in sight at night.

(They just announced that we're not taking off until 4:10. Someone is eating onions. I'm starting to hyperventilate. I've heard horror stories about people waiting for hours on the runway with bathrooms that are overflowing. Maybe I should go again before it's too late).

The vacation was amazing. The ship, the Crown Princess, was beautiful. I faced my fears and we had a great time, despite the fact that the captain chose to skip our last port of call, Grand Turk, due to high winds and dangerous docking conditions. Safety first! We met nice people from all over the world and not one cracked that dumb "What exit?" joke when they heard we were from New Jersey.

The only stress on the trip resulted from our decision to fly to the port in Florida. I hadn't flown since before 9/11 and I knew things had changed a lot due to terrorism threats, so I studied all the new rules prior to the trip. In the past I carried on a suitcase of fragile liquid toiletries, but apparently my shampoo and toothpaste now cause a security threat.

(The air traffic controllers just changed their minds and cleared us for takeoff at 3:05 p.m. — hooray!)

We abided by all security measures to keep us safe. No problem. When we were told we were chosen by our airline to be searched, scanned and patted down, we complied. (We couldn't be chosen to win the lottery instead?)

We removed our shoes to pass through security. We packed certain items in clear bags to make it easier to be checked. Anything for safety.

The most inconvenient rule, however, was due to profits, not security, and to this I object.

Some airlines now add a surcharge for suitcases weighing more than 50 pounds. Airline charges vary, but ours raised their rates from $50 to $75 that week — nice holiday present. Had we booked our plane tickets a month earlier we would have been allowed two bags per person instead of one.

(We're in the air - 3:20 p.m., only a twohour delay. What a relief!)

Years ago I'd fit everything into one heavy bag. Now, to avoid the $75 weight surcharge per bag, we took extra suitcases because it's only $20 for each extra suitcase. We ended up with six suitcases and four carry-on bags for four people. (My son ended up lugging around a carry-on bag full of shoes).

I'm told many airlines decided to institute the surcharges due to the high cost of fuel. Someone figured out that it costs more gas to fly a heavier plane, but when the price of gas went down, they didn't lower the fees, they raised them.

The night before our trip, we lugged the baggage onto our bathroom scale and ran out to buy extra suitcases. What a nuisance!

We ended up taking the same amount of clothes but more suitcases, so the plane was heavier. As I see it, the airlines don't save anything; it's just a way to increase the ticket price and take advantage of travelers. This policy must cut into tourism profits as well. While shopping for souvenirs, we had to consider the weight of our bags on the trip home and so we purchased lighter items. Since we can no longer carry liquids

onto the planes and our checked bags can't weigh too much, we limited our duty-free liquor purchases.

Traveling has certainly changed this decade. Ticket prices are high and change daily, and amenities have been decreased — at least they were on the airline I used.

Gone are the days of hot meals and hot drinks served by lovely stewardesses pushing rolling carts. We got soda and snacks carried in baskets by the mostly male crew.

Gone are the days of free pillows. blankets and headphones — now you have to pay for them. Gone are the trips to the cockpit — pilots must now be protected behind secure doors. I used to get playing cards and wing pins for the kids. I won't bother asking.

At least there are televisions on each chair, but you have to pay for the movies.

A good thing missing on our plane was the separation of classes. No more first class — equality of the masses means we can all use the bathroom in the front of the plane. I can appreciate that.

Speaking of that, we've started our descent and there's turbulence. That crazy wind from Grand Turk must be following us. They put on the seat belt sign, and my luck, I have to go again. Well, they did say take your seats!

Despite the delays and fees, I have to say the crew and pilots were totally professional and did their jobs well, especially the most important one — they got us home safely. With the wings going up and down from the wind, we just touched down amazingly smooth and everyone's clapping. We're back in New Jersey and I can see the turnpike. I wonder what exit it is.

Amy Rosen is a Greater Media Newspapers staff writer. You can e-mail her at arosen@gmnews.com.